Prayer For the Other Woman

Love endures all things it forgives all

 

Cassandra's Marriage Mints ~ The Grass Is Greener Where We Water It

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Today’s prayer from my heart is a prayer on behalf of the “other woman”. I have experienced brokenness in my marriage and adultery manifested out of that brokenness.  Although a part of me wanted to lash out at the other woman, God had me do something else. He had me turn my cheek and ignore my angry fleshy instincts. He had me pray for her and minister to her about Jesus. He gave me a heart to look after her soul because what she thought she could get from my husband was really what she needed from Jesus. Yes, I prayed for her; and I also spoke the truth in love and strength that as his wife, I’m forever here to stay– while her choice was to move on with her life and never look back at my husband. She graciously apologized, accepted and agreed to move on. So what…

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MARRIAGE PRAYER

 

marriage prayer

08, April 2016

Father, I plead that we would speak the truth in love to each other, honestly and openly sharing our feelings with each other. Lord, I pray that our marriage will glorify You and be an example of Your intention for marriage. God, I plead that You would give us wisdom and compassion in dealing with our in-laws. Father, bless and strengthen our marriage in the midst of the pressure and problems of our lives . Father, I ask You to protect our marriage from the attacks of Satan. Deliver us from his evil, destructive plans. Father, grant that we might find great delight and joy in each other. Lord God, I pray that You would deepen and strengthen our friendship to each other. Father, I plead that Your power would sustain and give stability to this marriage. Father, help us to discern and deal with those things that hinder and hurt our relationship. Father, I ask that our strengths would match and overcome our weaknesses. I pray that we would be kind and tenderhearted to one another, forgiving one another even as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven us. I plead that we would be sensitive to the needs and hurts of each other. Enable us to minister to each other in these areas . God, create within us a hunger for each other. Let us be satisfied with one another. I plead that You would give us a heart to seek after You and serve You all the days of our lives. Father, I pray that You would grant us the wisdom and power to gain and use our finances wisely . Lord, I ask that You would deliver us from pettiness and un-forgiveness in our relationship. Father, I plead that we will surrender all that we are and all that we have to each other. I pray that we would love You with all our being and our neighbors as ourselves . Lord God, I ask that we would love and obey Your Word, building our lives, marriage, and family on its truth. Father, I plead that we would be patient with each other in all the circumstances of life. Father, I pray that we will be kind and gentle to each other through the ups and downs of our life together. Father, I ask that we would not let any jealousy or envy gain ground in our relationship. God, I plead that we will always seek what is best for our relationship. Lord, I pray that we will share each other’s burdens and hurts. Father, enable us to overcome the pride in our lives. Set us free from the pride that will hinder and hurt our marriage. Lord, I ask that we would not be rude or thoughtless concerning each other. God, deliver us from the selfishness that would hinder and hurt our relationship. Lord, I ask that we would rejoice in each other’s strengths and gifts and would pray concerning our weaknesses and sins . Father, I pray that You would give us a love that bears all things, believes all things, and hopes all things. Lord, I plead that You would create in us a love that will endure the stress and problems that we will face. Father, I ask that our love for one another will never fail. Father, I plead that we would be faithful to attend and serve in the church of Jesus Christ . Amen

http://www.n8tivegirl.com

ADDICTED

addicted

 

 

Addicted- physically and mentally dependent on a particular substance, and unable to stop taking it without incurring adverse effects.

02, February 2016 by Valrelyn Parson < all copyrights reserved>

Addicted

There’s a reason why I stayed and not walk away, The reason was love, I love you, often there are have been times when I wondered if love was enough. The storms I have weathered to stay with you.  It has taken effect on my outward appearance. I am that woman you vowed until death do us part, but in many ways I am not her. This has aged me; it has created soft lines across my face.  I’ve stayed up many of nights crying, wondering when you will come home. Or why does he treat me this way.  While others ask why do you allow him to treat you this way.  The reason is it’s not him that I am fighting but the spirit behind him.  There are many who look at me as if I have lost my mind, but they don’t know who I know. And his ability to change things, I’ve endured a lot of heartache and pain in your hands. But the moment I think of packing up and leaving there is this still small voice that says this is only a test, will you pass or fail.

Sometimes there’s bigger picture than the one we experience before us. There are times when we can only see what is directly in front of us and not the issue at hand.  I often wondered how people stay in a relationship that appears to be falling apart in plain sight but behind closed doors. It’s hanging by mere threads. How does one not just walk out and give up. There is a reason why women stay with a man that cheats on them. There is hope in their mind that they can change him or that he will eventually notice them. So often we don’t realize that he can’t see you because his eyes are closed to what is in front of him and only focus on the great beyond.  He is at a point where everything is disposable and replaceable. For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? When you lose it all how should one recapture what is lost? How does one forgive a person who broke his or her vows?

The vows we said on our wedding day weren’t just empty words, but it seems at this moment they are. I feel betrayed and even angry.  When I said those words I meant them, we said until death do us part. I oftentimes question if this is the end. Because I frequently feel as if I am dying day by day, Should I make it through this storm; only the truth is storms only last for a short period of time. And after the storm you are able to access the damages and move forward. You and only you can decide if it’s worth rebuilding or walking away from. You have a choice you have free will, do decide your destiny it is in your hands. Will you stay and ride it out or will you do as the other person choose to walk away.

In the midst of it all I heard the Lord say “I understand he has hurt you, and made you feel like a fool.” Your friends are saying walk away and your head is telling your heart. Run like hell and not look back. But it’s only a test, sometime you are given a test and you have to determine if you will fall or will you stand. Will you be like the palm tree the bends to hits maxim capacity during a storm and just when you think it will break it stands. Or will you be like the ostrich and hide your head in the sand. Pretend like nothing exist, or will you listen to the little foxes in your life telling you to throw in the towel. By no means is adultery easy, but ask yourself is it worth walking away from it altogether.

Throughout, the years I’ve watched you parade them one after another, you pretend as if they don’t mean anything.  That they are just friends and silly me, I believe you. Because I don’t want to think the worst in you.  You don’t realize what it does to a woman’s self-esteem, when her husband cheats. It makes her question herself and her self-worth.  I’ve survived sexually transmitted diseases only by His grace, your lack of intimacy, or inability to make love because of your addiction. I ask myself what’s wrong with me, am I not pretty enough what have I done to deserve this. Only the reality is it’s not me, it’s all you.  It’s you that you are fighting against.  The demon, that lies within you.

I keep questioning what I could do, I see you struggle and how unhappy you are. I listen to you and I am there through each failed affair. What you don’t realize is that this thing is emotionally and mentally exhausting. I am the good wife who deserves a man who will love her and care for her. We certainly didn’t start out that way.  Somewhere along the way you lost your way. Your addiction to porn has taken its toll on me; I have withstood the drinking and the verbal abuse.   I am always faithful; I believe that when we said our vows it was through death do us part.  I see you in this confused state and all I can do is pray. I pray, God delivers you from the demons that are within.

So many question me as to why I stay. My answer is simple I made a vow and a covenant with God, My word is my bond.  I’ve been thru a great deal, but in the midst of it all I have not been alone God has been here with me. You see, when we started this process, similar to building a house. The bible was our blue print. And his word is the foundation that holds it together. We both dug down to the rock in the beginning, to make sure we reach the rock.   Marriage requires a strong foundation, one that can hold the challenges of life and won’t fall under pressure.   When the storms come and they will it has to withstand the winds, rain and even the hell. Somewhere or rather somehow you got off track, you lost your way. It seems as if now you aren’t able to find your way.  You say you are executing the will of God, but are you in truth. I see you searching for answers, asking your friends, but they do know us? Are they with us in this relationship? Only God knows our story, after all he wrote it.  I feel as if you have forgotten that HE holds all the answers.  I watch and pray in silence and I watch as you behave like a mad man. I dare say something because it makes you angry.

And then often people wonder how couples lose their way, and why it takes place over time. I‘ve come to the conclusion that only one side of the house was on a solid foundation. The other side was built on the sand.  Perhaps because they were also consumed with the preparation process that they didn’t understand the structural issues.  Which caused one side to lean and the other side was forced to support it.  Over the years you behave as if I am your enemy when I am not.   I know that it’s not you I am fighting, but rather the spirit that is behind you. A spirit that you allowed in our home and in our marriage. At first, I thought it’s, okay that he likes porn, but you became consumed by it.  You became addicted; you compared me to the women in the movies.  You complained because I would not submit to you, when you are out of order. You realize that if the head is not in order the house is not in order. Somewhere in the middle of this twisted event, I lost you.  Today a stranger sits before me who needs, saving but only God can redeem him.

I often think that it would take you to lose everything we’ve built to gain your senses.  Will that make you reflect over your choices.  I realize that it won’t be because you are on a path to destruction, and only God can save you.  You and only you have to be willing to listen to that still small voice. That says all your sins have been forgiven. Will you submit to his will and his desires for your life? Or will you continue to run and keep running until you are at a dead end. Life and death are at your, feet which will you choose.

Marriage is a God idea, not a man’s idea. It’s this wonderful mystery that God created, It contains and conceals a meaning far greater than what we see on the outside. What God has joined together in marriage is to be a reflection of the union between the Son of God and his bride the church. Marriage is a symbol of ones, “the two shall become one flesh. God adopts the symbol of marriage to show his desire to have oneness with him.

Sometimes, we make a big mistake and we try to figure out how to get things right. Mistakes are often painful, and often they are the only way we can figure out who we are and whose we are. Eventually we find our way and everything changes, things. I realize that the best of marriages have issues and the best of us have commitment issues. And sometimes we let things linger on and relationships slip through our fingers. Marriage is complicated, we may surprise ourselves at the errors we often make. It is those mistakes that propel us into fighting for something or someone. It’s easier to walk away than to fight or allow it all to die and be buried in the rubble.

What does that really say about you? That you fought the good fight but you grew weary. The race is not won by the swift but the one who endures. There is an overwhelming temptation to leave to walk out and throw in the towel. But there is also a glimmer of hope that resonates inside us that say fight. You pray not your will be done, but HIS will. You allow God to fight the battle not you, with your words or your hands. You fight on your knees, because my help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.

I look at you and I do not see the same man I married.  I see and empty shell that stands before me. Broken by life experiences and disappointed by the choices you’ve made.  So I am going to ask will you join me in this fight, this the last chance, to make it work. Please, join me in prayer so that we can start the healing process. And allow God to restore what the enemy meant for harm and turn for his good and use to his victory. Will you walk with me and watch the field become white with harvest. Will you please pray with me?

Heavenly Father, we pray together with you as husband and wife to always help us to look to You Lord to ourselves and then to each other to rediscover the fullness and mystery we once felt in our union. Let our Lord, be good enough to ask: “Where have we been together and where are we failing? How have we failed You Lord and failed each other. Help us Lord to always put you first and then our marriage next over everything, our children, our friends, and our work. Help us; Lord reexamines our commitment in the Light of Your Love, willing, openly, compassionately.   Father, we were once one, but today we stand before as two people who are in need of healing.  Lord we confess that we allowed the enemy into our marriage.  We profess that we allowed lust, and jealously, rage, resentment malice and spite and yes, Father, even abuses into our marriage, and it keeps us from your perfect will in our spousal relationship. Father somewhere along the way we forgot our way. Your Word tells us that from the very beginning, you created marriage as a one flesh covenant relationship; that’s what you joined together, no man can separate or put asunder and that you hate divorce. It also reassures us that you will heal the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds, that you will comfort all who mourn, and that you will bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning and a garment of praise instead of a feeling of desperation. Thus we thank You that instead of shame or disgrace, that we will rejoice in our inheritance, that we will inherit a double portion in our lifetimes and that everlasting joy will be ours as You restore the marriages Satan came to ruin. May we learn to approach your throne of grace with confidence and receive your mercy and grace to aid us in our time of demand.

We’re grateful that all matters are possible with You, Lord Jesus, and that You alone give us peace that surpasses all reason. And we thank You for Your assurance that no wisdom, no insight and no program can succeed against You, that the gates of the pits will not rule against us and that NO weapon formed against our marriages will prosper because we are Your servants. Since Your Word also assures us that the hearts of our beloved spouses are in Your hand, and that You will direct their hearts like wherever You please, we know we can’t plan or understand our own manner and that it is You who will regulate and guide our steps. Your Word also teaches us that unfailing love is what every man desires, so teach us how to convey our faith with love.

Lord, we also ask you to work in us to will and act according to your good purpose. We believe we are your disciples and want to understand and take to your teachings so we will know the truth which you said will set us loose. Thank You for Your Word, which is a lamp to our feet and a light for our way of life. You are our refuge and our shield, so we put our hope in Your Word.

Since faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen, help us to live by faith and not shrink back because we know it’s impossible to please you without faith. Your Word also teaches us that whatsoever we ask in prayer, and believe, we will receive and that we are to walk by faith and not by sight; you even said that according to our faith it will be served to us. And then, Lord Jesus, please give us the trust and patience necessary to inherit all that you have promised.

Never let us forget that we don’t live by the standards of this Earth. We live in the world, but we don’t wage war as the world does. And we thank You that the weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world and that they possess divine power to demolish strongholds and are mighty to demolish arguments and every pretension setting themselves up against the knowledge of You, our God, and the covenant of our weddings. So teach us to take every thought captive and make them obedient to Christ, which we know is the Word.

Always remind us that we need not be afraid because you are with us. And we need not be dismayed because you are our God. You will strengthen us. You will help us. You will preserve us and our marriages with Your righteous right hand. Thank You for Your assurance that all those who are incensed against us and the sanctity of our marriages are as nothing; that those who contend with us and war with us are as nothing, as a nonexistent thing, because You, the Lord our God, will hold our right hand, saying to us “Fear not, I will help you.”

Father, teach us to always rest in the confidence we have in You because Your Word tells us that it will be richly rewarded. And grant us the strength and grace to persevere so that when we have done Your will, we will receive what You have promised. And help us keep Your commandments and do those things that are pleasing in Your sight so we can receive from You whatever we demand; including the renovation of our weddings.

Bless us with faith that enables us to speak to our mountains and make them move, and confidence assuring us that nothing is impossible because we can do all things through Christ Who strengthens us. We know that with You, nothing is inconceivable, including living our lives full of love, joy, serenity, forbearance, benignity, goodness, fidelity, gentleness and self-control; even during times of trouble, which Your Word tells us You will flex into a gateway of hope. We thank You that Your Spirit intercedes for us, Your saints, in accordance with Your will, and that You cause all things to work together for good to those who love You, and who are called according to Your purpose. And we thank You that Your thoughts and plans for us are for our welfare and repose and not for evil, and to give us hope in our final event. And thank You, Lord, that when we are still, we will know that You are God and that You will be glorified in the entire world.

Thank You for the comfort and assurance we have in Your Word that to man belong the plans of the heart; but from You comes the reply of the tongue, and that we can confidently rely on Your awesome promise that the Holy Scripture that leads out from Your mouth will not render to You empty and that it will accomplish what You desire and the purpose for which you charged it! So thank You for assuring us by Your Word that You will maintain the covenant made when You were a spectator to our marriage vows and that you consider it treachery whenever husbands or wives are faithless and dishonor their marriage vows through divorce and remarriage.

We ask and give thanks for all this in the name of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.

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Defining Sex Addiction

Sex addiction, also known as a hypersexual disorder, is characterized by persistent and escalating sexual thoughts and acts that have a negative impact on the individual’s life. Sex addicts struggle to control or postpone sexual feelings and actions. Most sex addicts do not know how to achieve genuine intimacy, forming no attachment to their sexual partners.

Eventually, the pursuit of sex becomes more important than family, career, and even personal health and safety. As sexual preoccupation increases in terms of energy and time, the sex addict follows a routine or ritual leading to acting out on desires which is then followed by feelings of denial then shame, despair and confusion.

A common misconception is that someone who has a strong libido or has a number of sexual partners must have a sex addiction. In reality, most sex addicts crave the pursuit of sex and may gain little pleasure from a sexual act itself. Whereas most people stop engaging in a behavior that harms their health, relationships, finances or careers, sex addicts are unable to stop seeking out sexual experiences in spite of these consequences.

Similarities with Other Addictions

Addictive sexuality is like most other compulsive behaviors: a potentially destructive twist on a normal life-enhancing activity. Like drugs, sexual activities produce chemical changes in the brain. When a sexual behavior is engaged in compulsively over time, the brain adapts to the flood of neurotransmitters and craves more intense or more frequent stimuli to feel the initial rush.

Like other addictions, sex addiction is characterized by the repeated, compulsive seeking or use of a substance or activity despite adverse social, psychological and/or physical consequences. Addiction is often accompanied by physical dependence, withdrawal and tolerance.

  • Physical dependence is defined as a physiologic state of adaptation to a substance or chemical change in the brain, the absence of which produces symptoms of withdrawal.
  • Withdrawal syndrome consists of a predictable group of symptoms resulting from abrupt removal of, or a rapid decrease in the regular dosage of, a psychoactive substance or activity; the syndrome is often characterized by overactivity of the physiologic functions that were suppressed by the drug and/or depression of the functions that were stimulated by the object of addiction.
  • Tolerance is a state in which a drug or activity produces a diminishing biologic or behavioral response; in other words, higher doses or in the case of sex addicts, riskier or more intense behavior is needed to produce the same initial effect.

Symptoms of Sex Addiction

A wide range of behaviors can be symptoms of sex addiction, including:

  • Compulsive masturbation
  • Multiple affairs
  • Anonymous sex
  • Multiple one-night stands
  • Obsessive dating
  • Excessive use of pornography
  • Risky or unsafe sex
  • Cybersex
  • Exhibitionism
  • Voyeurism
  • Molestation/rape
  • Prostitution or use of prostitutes

Are You or Someone You Know Struggling with Sex Addiction?

The following questions are designed to be used as guidelines to identifying possible signs of sex addiction. They are not intended to provide a sure-fire method of diagnosis, nor can negative answers to these questions provide absolute assurance that sex addiction is not present.

  • Have you tried unsuccessfully to control your sexual behaviors?
  • Do you lie about or hide your sexual activities?
  • Have you had sex at inappropriate times, in inappropriate places, and/or with inappropriate people?
  • Do you make promises to yourself concerning your sexual behavior that you find you cannot follow?
  • Have you had or do you have sex with someone you don’t (didn’t) want to have sex with?
  • Do you believe that sex will make your life bearable?
  • Have you ever felt that you had to have sex?
  • Do you keep a list, written or otherwise, of the number of partners you’ve had?
  • Do you feel desperation or uneasiness when you are away from your lover or sexual partner?
  • Have you lost count of the number of sexual partners you’ve had?
  • Do you feel desperate about your need for a lover, sexual fix, or future mate?
  • Have you had sex regardless of the consequences (e.g., the threat of being caught or facing financial problems, or the risk of contracting a sexually transmitted disease)?
  • Do you feel that your only (or major) value in a relationship is your ability to perform sexually?
  • Do you feel that you’re not “really alive” unless you are with your sexual partner?
  • Do you feel entitled to sex?
  • Do you find yourself in a relationship that you cannot leave?
  • Have you ever threatened your financial stability or standing in the community by pursuing a sexual partner?
  • Have you ever had a serious relationship threatened or destroyed because of outside sexual activity?
  • Do you feel that life would have no meaning without sex?
  • Do you find yourself flirting with or sexualizing someone even if you do not mean to?
  • Does your sexual behavior affect your reputation?
  • Do you have sex to try to deal with or escape from life’s problems?
  • Do you feel uncomfortable about your masturbation because of the frequency with which you masturbate, the fantasies you engage in, the props you use, and/or the places in which you do it?
  • Do you engage in the practice of voyeurism or exhibitionism in ways that bring discomfort and pain?
  • Do you find yourself needing greater variety and energy in your sexual activities just to achieve an “acceptable” level of physical and emotional relief?
  • Do you need to have sex in order to feel like a “real man” or a “real woman”?
  • Do you feel that your sexual behavior isn’t rewarding or satisfying?
  • Are you unable to concentrate on other areas of your life because of thoughts or feelings you are having about sex?
  • Do you find yourself obsessing about a specific sexual act even though these thoughts bring pain, craving or discomfort?
  • Have you ever wished you could stop or control your sexual activities for a given period of time?
  • Do you find the pain in your life increasing no matter what you do?
  • Do you feel that you lack dignity and wholeness?
  • Do you feel that your sexual life affects your spiritual life in a negative way?
  • Do you feel that your life is unmanageable because of your compulsive sexual thoughts or behaviors?
  • Have you ever thought that there might be more you could do with your life if you were not so driven by sexual pursuits?

The Stages of Sex Addiction

Sex addiction often follows a predictable course:

  • Preoccupation – continual fantasies about sexual prospects or situations, which can trigger an episode of sexual “acting out”
  • Ritualization – a preferred sexual activity or situation is often stereotyped and repetitive
  • Compulsion – continual engagement in sexual activity despite negative consequences and desire to stop
  • Despair – guilt or shame over their inability to control behavior
  • Other behavioral problems, particularly chemical dependency and eating disorders

Causes of Sex Addiction

Many sex addicts report some form of abuse or neglect as children and frequently see themselves as diminished or damaged in the process. Their parents are often sex and/or love addicts themselves, which suggests that both genetic and environmental factors may play a role. Stress also plays a part in fueling compulsive sexual behavior by feeding the addict’s need for withdrawal and fantasy.

Other factors that may contribute to the development of sex addiction include:

  • Inconsistent parental nurturing and support
  • Lack of parental role modeling of healthy, adaptive behaviors
  • Early exposure to sexual material or experiences

Treatment for Sex Addiction

Overcoming sex addiction starts with recognizing that you are out of control sexually. Getting to that point requires taking a hard look at yourself and the problems caused by your sexual behavior. In some cases, sex addicts remain in denial until a significant life event, such as a spouse or partner leaving, job loss, or a health crisis, prompts them to seek treatment for sex addiction.

As experts have learned more about sex addiction in the past decade, a number of treatment options have been developed. While some individuals are able to commit to sexual sobriety by participating in counseling or an outpatient program, many find that their motivation and ability to change are strongest at a residential sex addiction treatment center. Removed from their familiar environment, routines and triggers for acting out, individuals are immersed in a therapeutic setting where they receive 24-hour support and a full range of therapies to treat sex addiction.

Some of the goals of a sex addiction treatment center may include:

  • A commitment to abstinence
  • Developing healthy sexuality
  • Rebuilding relationships
  • Stress management

Treatment for sex addiction may follow the 12-Step model initially developed for alcoholics and drug addicts. This model views addicts as chronically addicted to a behavior in spite of their attempts to change. The model focuses on three elements of the addiction cycle:

  • Use of sex
  • Self-judgment
  • Avoidance behaviors

The three elements of the addictive cycle are impacted by a process created by using:

  • A therapeutic environment
  • A thorough assessment
  • Individual, group and family counseling
  • Education about healthy sexuality and mental health
  • Self/peer assessment
  • Self-help support groups such as Sex Addicts Anonymous, Sexaholics Anonymous, Sexual Compulsives Anonymous and Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous

The above information is from  Ranch Recovery

For help contact the following below,

https://saa-recovery.org/

USA / Canada:
1-800-477-8191
elsewhere:
+1-713-869-4902

https://www.aamft.org/iMIS15/AAMFT/Content/consumer_updates/sexual_addiction.aspx

 

https://www.recoveryranch.com/specialized-programs/mens-sex-addiction-treatment/

Heart Attack

07e9f6d

21. August 2015 by n8tivegirl < all copyrights reserved>

Heart Attack

Preface:

The marriage, a heartbeat that is strong and intense. It is three hearts beating in the same rhythm as one spirit. For you are no longer single individuals, but two souls working together and living as one. Sometimes we lose sight of everything. We are so close that we overlook the symptoms of a heart attack – for a hardened heart runs parallel to a heart attack.

“You can close your eyes to the things you don’t want to see, but you can’t close your heart to the things that you don’t want to feel.” Johnny Depp

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.

Sometimes, more often than not, we harden our heart and allow anger to enter into it. We only care about winning the argument, and proving our point. We forget it’s not about starting a war, or proving whose is right is wrong – but communicating.  When we yell and scream we aren’t communicating.  What happens next? One person walks out feeling defeated and the other as if they have won the fight. But you haven’t, you actually have lost. You just can’t see the reality because your judgement is clouded by your so-called victory. It may appear as if your point was made, and that you won – but you haven’t. There are no winners, only losers – when love becomes a game. We need to remember that we should be quick to listen and slow to speak – and not anger easily. Because when we are quick to speak and slow to listen and get angry – everyone loses. We don’t always need to get our point across, to make sure that the other person knows that we are right.  In marriage, your spouse is not your enemy – he or she is an extension of yourself.  You can’t win a battle against yourself, and if you try – it will come at a cost.

So often in relationships and marriage, we forget the things of the Spirit. We think that because our point was made that the argument is over, but it isn’t. For if the emotions that are still there aren’t resolved, it causes one individual to begin distancing himself or herself. It causes them to put up walls that they don’t need to put.  It’s as if they feel like they need to protect themselves when they shouldn’t because how does one protect him or herself against itself? The two are one flesh and in the midst of it all you must remember marriage should not focus on the mundane and insignificant things of life.  It’s supposed to be an everlasting covenant of God in which you and your mate have entered.

Sadly, it’s easier to exit a relationship than to work on it. And so when the heart is hardened we close ourselves off to the important things. It’s as if we can’t see clearly. I often wondered what makes the heart harden, is it small things or just plain foolishness. What causes the ever widening distance that ultimately ends in divorce? Is it words spoken in haste that makes one feel like they have to get even – to now take something away from the other – because an emotional withdrawal was made from them? What excuse does one use to create distance? You have two people who now live in a house, but they don’t relate because both feel as if this ‘tension’ is not their fault but the other person’s. What has happen to the “for better or for worse”. Were they simply hollow words uttered without thought? There is a distance and an absence of love. Both have withdrawn, neither feels validated or appreciated. How does one get to this point? When did communication stop? When did God leave the relationship, or was He ever in there to begin with? Some may say it starts with feeling appreciated, or not feeling as an equal in a relationship – not valued. And instead of voicing your feelings in love to your mate, it builds up inside you. And then those small things that we allow to fester – begin to grow. Sometimes there are little foxes that come along and feed into the egos, those well-meaning friends and family who are outsiders in this covenant. Who often chose your side and make you feel as if you are right, and the spouse is wrong. And sometimes those external voices are louder and heeded more than the voice of God. As a result, one loses sight and forgets that it’s supposed to be about ‘Love’ – and keeping the promises you made to God, yourself – and your spouse. And so we think it’s easier to walk away than to fight for love – to say, “I will not allow the enemy to tear down my house.”

God states that a wise woman builds her house upon the Rock, but a foolish woman tears her’s down. The wise woman builds her house on His Word, which is the Rock; for it is the very foundation and cornerstone of any Godly relationship. And if this is indeed the case, in the midst of the storm she remembers that the two are one, and that her partner is simply angry and may say something that he shouldn’t have – and so she doesn’t take it personally. She remembers that love bears all things, it is not provoked, nor overly sensitive and easily angered – nor does it take into account a wrong endured. She knows that it is not him, but the flesh in which dwells no good thing – and he knows the same about her. Marriage is a God idea and not a man or a world idea, But we often get caught up in what the world thinks, but the world opinions don’t matter – only that of God.  It’s can be easy to lose sight of one another, and it seems easy to throw in the towel and walk away. But it’s an investment and cost that far are more than you can imagine.

It is for this reason a man should leave his family and cleave to his wife, for the two shall be one flesh. It’s not easy to be angry at ones oneself.  It’s easy and tempting to find fault when the other person’s opinions vary from yours. But that is where love needs to step in, and where His Word must come to the forefront – reminding us to be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, precisely as in Christ God forgave us. We must first judge ourselves, and our own actions, and not make our word the final word for our mate. We must not judge them harshly or pass judgment on them on based on our feelings and opinion. That only makes it worse, we must simply think before we give judgment – and make sure it is only God’s Word and that we are sharing in love, not in anger or out of selfishness. A husband is to protect his wife. She is abide safely under his covering, for she is an extension of him – now spiritually of his flesh.  What each often fails to realize that no matter how hard the storms of life pound against the Rock, which is His Word – that it never returns void, and if they are willing – keeps them held together like glue. Together you can defend yourselves and not be overpowered, because you are as the three-strand cord that cannot be easily broken.  A truly Godly marriage, one built on the solid foundation which is Christ – will not put itself asunder. Only those that are of the world and were not constructed on His Word, but were simply the language of man and tradition – those will likely fall.

Marriage can be hard work, and some days life tries to make your spouse your enemy – when they aren’t. But if you hold steadfast to His Word, and your marriage is truly ordained of God, love will prevail.  You are both the bride of Christ and you should love your spouse as Christ loves the church.  Love is His greatest commandment to man and is mentioned 538 times! And that He desires us to love with all our heart. The heart is located in the center of the body, it is surrounded and protected by our ribs. So there is a very important reason why a rib was used to create woman, for the wife is the only person a man is to trust, because she protects his heart – it is safe with her – for she shall do him only good not evil, all the days of his life. The heart is a large muscle that supplies life giving blood to the entire body, just as His blood has paid for our sin debt – giving us new life. A life that is now filled with His love that lives in us and covers a marriage. A love that gives us strength to obey His word and keep His commandments – that keep our marriage together.  He that tells us to set Love as a seal upon our heart, as a seal upon our arm: for love is stiff as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the flashes thereof are flashes of flame, a very flame of the Lord. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it; if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, he would be utterly contemned.

So often we take for granted the things that matter the most. In a relationship, we become unappreciative and we forget  as wives we are to submit to our husbands, which includes honoring and obeying. Likewise, a husband’s job is to love us as Christ loves the church. His love for the church is constant and pure. Husbands are called to honor their wives, and find pleasure and satisfaction in her.  To provide for her needs physically, financially and spiritually – making sure she is well fed and washed with the Word, so as to present her spotless and blameless to our Lord. He is to defend her and protect her as just as Christ does the church. Marriage is a covenant, that like salvation, begins and ends with God – and His blessing on that covenant if the two have entered into it with understanding and a true heart’s desire for that lifelong bond. But if the two did not understand the covenant, and did not truly desire each other for life (being warned by the ‘pre wedding jitters’ – often God’s way of telling the woman “No!”) – the enemy will hardened their hearts and neither will honors the other, for they have not been true to themselves nor each other, and have not fulfilled the requirements of the covenant that God created.

Love requires an open and honest heart. A heart willing to accept love. One that is open to all the possibilities that come with love. It is God’s greatest gift to man. And like His love for us, the marriage covenant requires two people who are willing and love one another unconditionally. In contrast, a closed heart can’t receive love, it’s afraid of love.  A marriage is a covenant created God to entered into by a man and a woman. It’s a promise to submit to one another, even when your flesh interferes with your heart. Marriage is not two broken people joining together to make a whole. It’s two imperfect people becoming One, a desire He puts in our spirits. And if the union is approved by Him, your wife will be your soul mate – for she was chosen for you before the creation of the world. And then the blessings of love, and peace, and power that comes with being united to your soul mate, well nothing can compare to it. Two whole people have come together as one, each realizing their spouse is their equal. Both chosen by God to help the other walk in the purpose that God has for your life. Where as divorce is just the fruit of a man-made marriage that God did not put together. Whoever God has joined together, they are part of His purpose, for He knows that the two will fulfill His purpose. And He always has a greater purpose. A God ordained marriage is not just a partnership or solely for companionship – the purpose is far greater. It is a supernatural unity, a spiritual bond. The force that binds you together is deeper than any basic human instinct.  It’s an intimate bond between you and your creator and your spouse. And you are forever, eternally joined as one flesh.

God wants to build a home. God wants to build a home for both of you and bind you together. So what must you do when you are angry and because you have been hurt. You must learn that the more you love Jesus the more you will love your mate. And then your focus is not on what they did, but on the fact that God loves you unconditionally, just as you are to love your spouse. God expects you to keep the vows you make. He can’t entrust you with other things if you don’t have the integrity to keep your vows. But when two people are faithful, true love is found in the one completes you and makes you feel as if you belong, and all is right with the world.

We know forgiveness is a cornerstone of the Christian faith. In the model prayer the Lord gave us, He tells us that we need to forgive others just as we need God to forgive us. On the cross, Jesus asked the Father to forgive the people who were crucifying Him, even as they mocked him and watched him die. Which we need to remember when we have been deeply hurt, and the idea of forgiving someone may feel like we’re being required to tear our heart, and give it the very person who just trod on it. Then, we either offer a perfunctory, “I forgive you,” while yet holding the bitterness in our hearts, or we harden ourselves – physically and emotionally walking away.

When we’ve been deeply wronged, something inside yearns for justice. If we don’t forgive, our desire for justice becomes revenge, subjecting us to the bondage of bitterness and self-righteousness. When we don’t truly choose to forgive, the justice we seek is for the other person to feel our pain. True forgiveness takes place when we release our pain, willing to let it go –  and acknowledging that our spouse, who like us is a flawed human creature, is most likely doing the very best he or she can with the limited resources at that time in their emotional, mental, and spiritual arsenal. When we anchor our hearts along the sway of God’s love, the pardon of our spouse enables us to free our pain – placing it into God’s healing hands. As grace then shatters the threat of growing bitterness, it plants the seeds of a more familiar relationship – one founded on and rooted in His love. Husband and wife experience the fresh rush of freedom and the ability to fully enjoy the God given blessing of each other once again.

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John Waller – The Marriage Prayer w/Lyrics – YouTube

BATTLEFIELD II- HIS STORY

Melancholys_Warm_Embrace-300x204

BY VAL

Battlefields of the mind, it’s like a game of war to see who will win. To find out who is the strongest and who can or will endure. I’ve adapted, or rather I should say – I’ve acquired the skills needed in this contest that I’ve take on. It’s almost like a game of charades, but more so – it’s masquerade. Or maybe it’s a little of both, one present and one hiding.

I am the face of the unheard victims of war, but no one knows about me. When you see my bruises you jokingly tease me about her hitting me. When the reality of the situation is – she does – and hard. And she gets away with it because no one would believe my story. The big strong man being beaten by his wife who is half my size. No one ever believes that a wife beats her husband. It’s difficult for people to wrap their heads around it, because it’s women who are always viewed as the victims. But what about me. What about my bruises, my scars, my pain. You see, I’ve become so good at hiding it, and performing within this masquerade of a so-called ‘marriage’ – that no one even notices.

I’ve become an expert at lying and pretending, and covering up when I shouldn’t. I’ve become insecure and timid. Because I know the price of having a voice and the anguish of being silent, but with the voice inside me ever screaming to be heard. But it knows that quiet sometimes has it’s own reward, especially when you are furious. I know how to keep quiet, and if you’ve been drinking – I try my hardest to be invisible, but I know in reality that I can’t hide. I can’t hide, even though I want to. You tell me how I’m nothing, and how I was trash. How you made me into who I am. You threaten me with poverty as if I’d never experienced it before. But what hurts more than your words – are the mind games you play. I know your goal is to break me, to destroy me. But you can’t. Or at least I hope you can’t.
Few have experienced the mind games she plays with me. It’s like she’s holding a loaded gun to my head.  She often threatens to take the children from me. Or pretends to have hurt herself, so that people will think I have hit her. But I haven’t, I would never hit her. As much as I would like to at times, I wouldn’t.  My parents always told me, “ Boys don’t hit girls. Period.” The problem is not that I  believe that – but that she knows that I believe that – so she is able to tear me down with her verbal abuse – knowing she is safe from any physical harm, that I would never hit her. She calls me every foul name in the book. Her profanity would make a sailor blush. She tells me that no woman would want me, that I am scum and that she hates me – that I should feel lucky that I have her. These scars from mental abuse are the hidden scars carved into a person’s soul. Their pain and depression are constantly with you. The mind games she plays just tear you down until you feel there is nothing left of who you were – and no one knows.  The black eyes and the scratches I can always lie about, but my soul doesn’t have a voice that anyone can hear – even though it screams out for help everyday. It get’s to be so hard lying to yourself and to others all the time, pretending things are okay when they aren’t. Sometimes all you can do is cry. And I cry a lot these days.

No one knows the beatings and emotional abuse I’ve endured. Some say it’s like when a prisoner of war is tortured and you develop dual personality as a means of survival. I’ve even tried some of her makeup to hide the bruises. But the ones that are deep inside my soul – makeup can’t hide those – and no one can understand them, unless they’ve endured the same hell that I have. Because after every beating and every insult, you say, “I’m sorry” – and then have the nerve to tell me that you love me. Then I feel guilty and confused, because I want to leave – but then I remember your threats, and my Son, so I stay.  I stay and endure this endless torture that my soul knows this isn’t love. It can’t be!
My parents invite us to Sunday dinners, but I decline because I don’t want them to know what’s going on. To wonder why I look so unhappy. It’s hard enough enduring the questions from my sisters and brothers. I think they suspect something, but they’re not quite sure. Our son looks at me and wonders what’s wrong with Daddy, has he been a bad boy as well? Is that why Mommy is hitting him and yelling at him? I don’t want him to think this is normal or that this  is love – it isn’t. I just say that Mommy is playing, and not to worry, Daddy is a tough guy, no one can hurt your Daddy. But I know he sees the tears in my eyes, and I know he can feel the pain that I am enduring – and that hurts more that anything.

My body is covered with bruises underneath my clothing. I’ve become so good lately at hiding them so no one ever sees them. But of course I have become paranoid about taking my shirt off in public, for fear of questions. Have you ever had to explain choke marks around your neck where someone has left her fingerprints? Have you ever tried just leaving for hours at a time, driving no where, just needing to get away to think – not coming home until the next morning? Because if you thought the last beating and verbal assault was bad, the one you are about to get for being away so long is going to be the mother of all beatings! But maybe have been kicked or spat on as if you were trash on the street. Or have had dishes or glasses thrown at you. I even had one of those old heavy phones thrown at me – while I was in the shower? Do you know how hard it is to regain one’s self-esteem and feeling of self-worth through all of this, well it’s almost impossible.

No one knows about this war that I am in – and no one knows my enemy is you. They only see this beautiful, successful woman – who appears to have everything under control. They don’t know my story, they think we are  happy, when the reality is that I am dying on the inside and I want out. I need to get out. When people talk of fear I wonder if they’ve ever had someone place a gun to your head and say, “Listen up my little man bitch, if you say anything, if you let out as much as a peep – and I’ll kill you. You got that?” Only to find out that this time it’s a ‘pretend game’ of Russian roulette – one without a bullet – but the next time, there might be one. War games are mind games. And all you can do is pray that it’s stops. Being held hostage isn’t a joke. The reality is that a hostage knows their freedom comes at a cost. And I know my price might be death, or at least that’s my hope, as sad and pathetic as that is.

I hear people say you have that I need to save myself, but the truth is that you first have to actually ‘want’ to save yourself. Do I really want to live is the question that resonates in my mind?  I moved from my parent’s home to college, then from the frat house to the matrimonial home – and being a prisoner of war – in my own house! If I had to do over again, I would have listened when my mother said, “Don’t settle for someone who doesn’t have the same values as you. Sex isn’t everything in a marriage my Son, there has to be more than that.” But I compromised, and compromise always comes at a price. And now I pay daily for it with my life, but worst of all – with my Son’s mental and emotional well being. But I know this isn’t the price my Mom was referring to. Lord knows she has no idea about what is truly going on.

I feel like a pig who is being slathered with sauce in preparation to be barbequed slowly. I’d rather just be shot – please just kill me and get it over with – and maybe I’ll find some peace. But who says death is peaceful? Because somehow I feel as if you would probably haunt me there too. I tried suicide because I thought it would be easier, but even that was a cruel joke. I even got cheated out of death. The pills didn’t work, hell they didn’t even ease the pain. At first it’s hard praying and asking God to just let you die. But after a while, it’s pretty much a daily routine. You just want to know that this pain that you keep hidden, within the silences of your own house, will finally come to an end. But God won’t let you die. Why? Because you have to escape – to tell your story! To save your child and to save others. Even though you think death still seems like a reward, especially when you are living in this hell – it isn’t. So I can’t let my little boy see me lying in a coffin,  thinking this is what real love is. I still have time to save him! So I pray. You just hope and pray.

It’s hard trusting a woman when you’ve been hurt so badly by one. I never thought you and I would be here, at this place in our lives where we are now. But the signs were always there. I used to brush it off when I thought you were pretending to be jealous of my friends, or when some girl was talking to me. I just assumed, like most guys do – that she loves me. She’s not trying to control my friends  or what I do. But you were, and the signs were all there. The pats I assumed were love pats were just the beginning. You would blow up and then apologize for what you said. I should have known better, but I joked and told myself that you were just acting crazy. But crazy is as crazy does. I should have followed my gut instinct. But I didn’t.

It’s funny, but most guys never admit, that like women, we too have this fantasy of what we want in our perfect life and our perfect wife. That we also want the white picket fence, the two cars, and the 2.5 kids. A couple vacations a year and a 401k with enough in it to retire by 55. And like you we take our vows seriously – until death do us part. I was raised in a Christian home, I was taught early to pray for my wife, to pray for the girl I wanted to marry, and believe that God will send her to me. But, you sure aren’t the girl I prayed for. Instead, I was preyed upon by you! You put on this charade that you were saved, and said all the right things, and told me that you went to church. Hell, your Dad was even a deacon. But the reality is that we were unequally yoked from very the beginning. But I wanted to make it work. My Dad said Son, it’s juts like the song says, “You got to know when to hold’em, know when to fold’em, know when to walk away, and know when to run.” And ohhh, how I should have run when I had the chance! I don’t know if it was my gut or God, but something warned me stay away from you, I just didn’t listen.

The ‘Battlefield of the Mind’ affects people you don’t think it would. My Son thinks it’s normal. But it’s not – my normal isn’t normal.  If I don’t leave, this will forever affect his relationships also! I don’t want him to think that this is normal. This is not of God, it’s of the devil. His Dad is ill, and he needs help, and now – my Son does too. Because this disease is very dangerous. The same force it takes to build up a person’s spirit, can be used to break it just as easily. But when love has left the building, all you have is desperation and regrets. I realize that my prayers, even the ones whispered and muffled through the pain and tears – were heard by Him. God paid the price, He was beaten for my transgressions. He said that I am loved and that I am  worthy of His blood. He said that our enemies are sometimes in our own home. But He also said that He would make a foot stool out of them.
I am not supposed to be at war in my own house, we are supposed to be one yet we are two completely and separate individuals who aren’t happy at all.  Or at least I am not. I want so desperately to leave. But I remember your threats, so I stay. I stay for my Son, and only for him. Sometimes we sacrifice our needs for those of our children. But they don’t deserve to see two hurting parents who don’t love one another. Doesn’t he deserve love, because this in not love, this is war. This is war and he is the innocent victim, he is the one that is suffering most from our battle. What price should he pay for our unhappiness, should his soul suffer because of us? Our battle has become his wounds, his soul carries the scars of our war. Sometimes this war seems almost innocent, because the only victims we see are us. But that is never true, we aren’t the only victims – and the costs are astronomical. Our war, unfortunately, has claimed many victims – and one is our Son.

This isn’t the love story He choose for me. I choose my ‘Caesar’ wife, I was young and naive and impressionable. I thought I knew what love was, but I was wrong. I didn’t realize who she really was. True love is patient and it is kind. It’s never jealous or judgmental. Real love does not want to hurt you, true love comforts and protects and blesses. It’s so easy to settle for something or someone you know. Especially when you’ve never experienced true love or haven’t ever observed a relationship of true Godly love to base it on. But I do realize this – that  love conquered the grave for me and that the ultimate price was paid. He was beaten for all my sins so that I wouldn’t have to be beaten. He loved me enough to die for me so that I wouldn’t have to die for love.

My Father told me it was time to spread my wings and leave. He told me to get ready for battle and to put on the whole armor. To gird my loins with truth. And the truth is that she has beaten me for the last time. He told me to put on the breastplate of righteousness, and the helmet of salvation. He said. “You see My Son, you are not fighting against flesh and blood, but against principalities and powers that rule the darkness. So My beloved, guard yourself with the shield of faith, and take up the sword of My Spirit, which is My Word. And I will protect you, I’ve got your back with My Glory as you move forward in victory.”

My Father said that my soon to be ‘Ex’ needs healing, and love that I can’t give her. It’s a supernatural love and a supernatural healing that only He can provide. So, as I walk away from you with my freedom, I pray that you find the peace you need. And that God takes away the anger and rage that lies within you. For even though our love story was hell on earth, I will forever be changed for the better because of my experience. I don’t hate you, because hating you gives you power over my future. But forgiveness and love gives me power to move on and to be able to be loved unconditionally – the way my Father intended. Somewhere out there is someone who has been praying for someone like me, to love and adore. But I have to be whole and complete, and that starts with the Father – and forgiving my enemy. So as an act of my will, I say this before God – “I forgive you for hurting me.” You didn’t break my spirit, you forced me to find my Father and return home. I am a survivor. And the lesson is this – that we all can use what the enemy meant for harm, and instead let our heavenly Father use it as a platform to create something good for us. For it is written, “No weapon formed against you shall prosper!”

BATTLEFIELD- DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Domestic violence

Domestic violence

BY VAL

Battlefields of the mind, it’s like a game of war to see who will win. To find out who is the strongest and who can or will endure. I’ve adapted, or rather I should say – I’ve acquired the skills needed in this contest that I’ve take on. It’s almost like a game of charades, but more so – it’s masquerade. Or maybe it’s a little of both, one present and one hiding.

I’ve become an expert at lying and pretending, and covering up when I shouldn’t. I’ve become insecure and timid. Because I know the price of having a voice and the cost of being silent, with the voice inside me ever screaming to be heard. But it knows that quiet sometimes has it’s own reward, especially when you are furious. I know how to keep quiet, and if you’ve been drinking – I try my hardest to be invisible, but I know in reality that I can’t hide.  I can’t hide, even though I want to. You tell me how I’m nothing, and how I was trash. How you made me into who I am. You threaten me with poverty as if I’d never experienced it before. But what hurts more than your words – are the mind games you play. I know your goal is to break me, to destroy me. But you can’t. Or at least I hope you can’t.

No one knows the beatings I’ve endured, some say it’s like when a prisoner of war is tortured and you develop dual personality as a means of survival. The scars underneath my makeup are the hidden scars.  But the ones so deep inside my soul – makeup can’t hide those – and no one can understand them, unless they’ve endured the same hell.  Because after every beating and every fight, you say, “I’m sorry” – and then have the balls to tell me that you love me. Then I feel guilty and confused, because I want to leave – but then I remember your threats, so I stay.  So I endure this endless torture that my soul knows this isn’t love. It can’t be!

My momma asks why we don’t come over for Sunday dinners any more? The reason is that I’m too ashamed for her to know truth. It would kill her if she knew. My sister suspects, but I deny it and accuse her of being paranoid. She sees the traces of the scars left behind. My friends see the injuries but I just deflect their questions – I can’t handle those questions. But the worst of all – is that our baby notices how mommy has changed, that I’m not my old self. I’m this new version of me.  Have you ever had to explain why you are lying on the floor in a pool of blood to your child? Or why there are choke marks around your neck where someone has left his fingerprints? Have you ever tried running away only to be found the next day? Because if you thought the last beating was bad, the one you are about to get for running away is going to be the mother of all beatings. Or have you ever been kicked or spat on as if you were trash on the street? It’s hard, almost impossible to regain one’s self-esteem through all of this.
When people talk of fear I wonder if they’ve ever had someone place a loaded gun to your head and say, “Bitch, if you say anything, let out as much as a peep – and I’ll kill you.” Only to find out that this time it’s a game of Russian roulette, except without a bullet – but the next time, there might be one. War games are mind games. All you can do is pray that it’s stops. Being held hostage isn’t a joke. The reality is that a hostage knows their freedom comes at a cost. And I know my price is death, or at least that’s my hope, as sad and pathetic as that is.

I hear people say you have that I need to save myself, but the truth is that you first have to actually ‘want’ to save yourself. Do I really want to live is the question that resonates in my mind?  I moved from my parent’s home to college, then from the sorority house to the matrimonial home – and being a prisoner of war. If I had to do over again, I would have listened when my mother who said, “If you are not unequally yoked, you will never have to compromise your values.” Because compromise, always comes at a price.  And now I’m paying the price, but this isn’t the price she was referring to. Lord knows she has no idea about what was truly going on.

I feel like a pig who is being slathered to barbeque slowly. I’d rather just be shot – please just kill me and get it over with – and maybe I’ll find some peace. But who says death is peaceful? Because somehow I feel as if you would probably haunt me there too. I tried suicide because I thought it would be easier, but even that was a cruel joke. I even got cheated out of death. The pills didn’t work, hell they didn’t even ease the pain. It’s hard praying and asking God to just let you die. You want to know that this pain that you keep hidden, within the silences of your own house, would finally come to an end. But God won’t let you die. Why? Because you have to escape – to tell your story! To save your child and to save others. Even though you think death still seems like a reward, especially when you are living in this hell – it isn’t. So I can’t let her see me lying in a coffin,  thinking this is what real love is. I still have time to save her! So I pray. You pray and you hope.
It’s hard trusting a man when you’ve been hurt by one. I never thought I’d end up here. I should have seen the signs when we were dating. You wanted to control everything, from the way I dress to who my friends were. I thought it was love, that you were so in love with me that you just didn’t want to share me with the world. Because when little girls dream of their prince charming, their happily ever after, she never thinks she will be at war in her own home with her husband – the very person who said he would love her ‘until death do us part’. Hmmm, sometimes I think it might take my dying to get out of this hell. I never dreamed that the person I prayed for night after night would turn me into his prey, his prisoner. God, I ask you – am I not worthy of love? What did I do in my life that was so bad that I deserved this?
The ‘Battlefield of the Mind’ affects people you don’t think it would. My daughter thinks it’s normal. But it’s not – my normal isn’t normal.  If I don’t leave, this will forever affect her relationships also? I don’t want her to think this is normal. This is not of God, it’s of the devil. Her Dad is ill, and he needs help, and now – so do I. Because this disease is very dangerous. The same force it takes to break a person’s spirit could be used to build it. But when love has left the building, all you have is desperation and regrets. I realize that my prayers, even the ones whispered and muffled through the pain and tears were heard by Him. God paid the price, He was beaten for my transgressions. He said that I am loved and that I am  worthy of His blood. He said that our enemies are sometimes in our own home. But He also said that He would make a foot stool out of them.
This isn’t the love story He choose for me. I choose my ‘Caesar’ husband, I was young and naive and impressionable. I thought I knew what love was, but I was wrong. I didn’t realize who he really was. True love is patient and it is kind. It’s never jealous or judgmental. Real love does not want to hurt you, true love comforts and protects and blesses. It’s so easy to settle for something or someone you know. Especially when you’ve never experienced true love or haven’t ever observed a relationship of true Godly love to base it on. But I do realize this – that  love conquered the grave for me and that the ultimate price was paid. He was beaten for all my sins so that I wouldn’t have to be beaten. He loved me enough to die for me so that I wouldn’t have to die for love.

My Father told me it was time to spread my wings and leave. He told me to get ready for battle and to put on the whole armor. To gird my loins with truth. And the truth is that he has beaten me for the last time. He told me to put on the breastplate of righteousness, and the helmet of salvation. He said. “You see My daughter, you are not fighting against flesh and blood, but against principalities and powers that rule the darkness. So My beloved, guard yourself with the shield of faith, and take up the sword of My Spirit, which is My Word. And I will protect you, I’ve got your back with My Glory as you move forward in victory.”

My Father said that my soon to be ‘Ex’ needs healing, and love that I can’t give him. It’s a supernatural love and a supernatural healing that only He can provide. So as I walk away from you with my freedom, I pray that you find the peace you need. And that God takes away the anger and rage that lies within you. For even though our love story was hell on earth, I will forever be changed for the better because of my experience. I don’t hate you, because hating you gives you power over my future. But forgiveness and love gives me power to move on and to be able to be loved unconditionally – the way my Father intended. Somewhere out there is someone who has been praying for someone like me to love and adore. But I have to be whole and complete, and that starts with the Father – and forgiving my enemy. So as an act of my will, I say this before God – “I forgive you for hurting me.” You didn’t break my spirit, you forced me to find my Father and return home. I am a survivor. And the lesson is this – that we all can use what the enemy meant for harm, and instead let our heavenly Father use it as a platform to create something good for us. For it is written, “No weapon formed against you shall prosper!”