21. August 2015 by n8tivegirl < all copyrights reserved>
The marriage, a heartbeat that is strong and intense. It is three hearts beating in the same rhythm as one spirit. For you are no longer single individuals, but two souls working together and living as one. Sometimes we lose sight of everything. We are so close that we overlook the symptoms of a heart attack – for a hardened heart runs parallel to a heart attack.
“You can close your eyes to the things you don’t want to see, but you can’t close your heart to the things that you don’t want to feel.” Johnny Depp
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.
Sometimes, more often than not, we harden our heart and allow anger to enter into it. We only care about winning the argument, and proving our point. We forget it’s not about starting a war, or proving whose is right is wrong – but communicating. When we yell and scream we aren’t communicating. What happens next? One person walks out feeling defeated and the other as if they have won the fight. But you haven’t, you actually have lost. You just can’t see the reality because your judgement is clouded by your so-called victory. It may appear as if your point was made, and that you won – but you haven’t. There are no winners, only losers – when love becomes a game. We need to remember that we should be quick to listen and slow to speak – and not anger easily. Because when we are quick to speak and slow to listen and get angry – everyone loses. We don’t always need to get our point across, to make sure that the other person knows that we are right. In marriage, your spouse is not your enemy – he or she is an extension of yourself. You can’t win a battle against yourself, and if you try – it will come at a cost.
So often in relationships and marriage, we forget the things of the Spirit. We think that because our point was made that the argument is over, but it isn’t. For if the emotions that are still there aren’t resolved, it causes one individual to begin distancing himself or herself. It causes them to put up walls that they don’t need to put. It’s as if they feel like they need to protect themselves when they shouldn’t because how does one protect him or herself against itself? The two are one flesh and in the midst of it all you must remember marriage should not focus on the mundane and insignificant things of life. It’s supposed to be an everlasting covenant of God in which you and your mate have entered.
Sadly, it’s easier to exit a relationship than to work on it. And so when the heart is hardened we close ourselves off to the important things. It’s as if we can’t see clearly. I often wondered what makes the heart harden, is it small things or just plain foolishness. What causes the ever widening distance that ultimately ends in divorce? Is it words spoken in haste that makes one feel like they have to get even – to now take something away from the other – because an emotional withdrawal was made from them? What excuse does one use to create distance? You have two people who now live in a house, but they don’t relate because both feel as if this ‘tension’ is not their fault but the other person’s. What has happen to the “for better or for worse”. Were they simply hollow words uttered without thought? There is a distance and an absence of love. Both have withdrawn, neither feels validated or appreciated. How does one get to this point? When did communication stop? When did God leave the relationship, or was He ever in there to begin with? Some may say it starts with feeling appreciated, or not feeling as an equal in a relationship – not valued. And instead of voicing your feelings in love to your mate, it builds up inside you. And then those small things that we allow to fester – begin to grow. Sometimes there are little foxes that come along and feed into the egos, those well-meaning friends and family who are outsiders in this covenant. Who often chose your side and make you feel as if you are right, and the spouse is wrong. And sometimes those external voices are louder and heeded more than the voice of God. As a result, one loses sight and forgets that it’s supposed to be about ‘Love’ – and keeping the promises you made to God, yourself – and your spouse. And so we think it’s easier to walk away than to fight for love – to say, “I will not allow the enemy to tear down my house.”
God states that a wise woman builds her house upon the Rock, but a foolish woman tears her’s down. The wise woman builds her house on His Word, which is the Rock; for it is the very foundation and cornerstone of any Godly relationship. And if this is indeed the case, in the midst of the storm she remembers that the two are one, and that her partner is simply angry and may say something that he shouldn’t have – and so she doesn’t take it personally. She remembers that love bears all things, it is not provoked, nor overly sensitive and easily angered – nor does it take into account a wrong endured. She knows that it is not him, but the flesh in which dwells no good thing – and he knows the same about her. Marriage is a God idea and not a man or a world idea, But we often get caught up in what the world thinks, but the world opinions don’t matter – only that of God. It’s can be easy to lose sight of one another, and it seems easy to throw in the towel and walk away. But it’s an investment and cost that far are more than you can imagine.
It is for this reason a man should leave his family and cleave to his wife, for the two shall be one flesh. It’s not easy to be angry at ones oneself. It’s easy and tempting to find fault when the other person’s opinions vary from yours. But that is where love needs to step in, and where His Word must come to the forefront – reminding us to be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, precisely as in Christ God forgave us. We must first judge ourselves, and our own actions, and not make our word the final word for our mate. We must not judge them harshly or pass judgment on them on based on our feelings and opinion. That only makes it worse, we must simply think before we give judgment – and make sure it is only God’s Word and that we are sharing in love, not in anger or out of selfishness. A husband is to protect his wife. She is abide safely under his covering, for she is an extension of him – now spiritually of his flesh. What each often fails to realize that no matter how hard the storms of life pound against the Rock, which is His Word – that it never returns void, and if they are willing – keeps them held together like glue. Together you can defend yourselves and not be overpowered, because you are as the three-strand cord that cannot be easily broken. A truly Godly marriage, one built on the solid foundation which is Christ – will not put itself asunder. Only those that are of the world and were not constructed on His Word, but were simply the language of man and tradition – those will likely fall.
Marriage can be hard work, and some days life tries to make your spouse your enemy – when they aren’t. But if you hold steadfast to His Word, and your marriage is truly ordained of God, love will prevail. You are both the bride of Christ and you should love your spouse as Christ loves the church. Love is His greatest commandment to man and is mentioned 538 times! And that He desires us to love with all our heart. The heart is located in the center of the body, it is surrounded and protected by our ribs. So there is a very important reason why a rib was used to create woman, for the wife is the only person a man is to trust, because she protects his heart – it is safe with her – for she shall do him only good not evil, all the days of his life. The heart is a large muscle that supplies life giving blood to the entire body, just as His blood has paid for our sin debt – giving us new life. A life that is now filled with His love that lives in us and covers a marriage. A love that gives us strength to obey His word and keep His commandments – that keep our marriage together. He that tells us to set Love as a seal upon our heart, as a seal upon our arm: for love is stiff as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the flashes thereof are flashes of flame, a very flame of the Lord. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it; if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, he would be utterly contemned.
So often we take for granted the things that matter the most. In a relationship, we become unappreciative and we forget as wives we are to submit to our husbands, which includes honoring and obeying. Likewise, a husband’s job is to love us as Christ loves the church. His love for the church is constant and pure. Husbands are called to honor their wives, and find pleasure and satisfaction in her. To provide for her needs physically, financially and spiritually – making sure she is well fed and washed with the Word, so as to present her spotless and blameless to our Lord. He is to defend her and protect her as just as Christ does the church. Marriage is a covenant, that like salvation, begins and ends with God – and His blessing on that covenant if the two have entered into it with understanding and a true heart’s desire for that lifelong bond. But if the two did not understand the covenant, and did not truly desire each other for life (being warned by the ‘pre wedding jitters’ – often God’s way of telling the woman “No!”) – the enemy will hardened their hearts and neither will honors the other, for they have not been true to themselves nor each other, and have not fulfilled the requirements of the covenant that God created.
Love requires an open and honest heart. A heart willing to accept love. One that is open to all the possibilities that come with love. It is God’s greatest gift to man. And like His love for us, the marriage covenant requires two people who are willing and love one another unconditionally. In contrast, a closed heart can’t receive love, it’s afraid of love. A marriage is a covenant created God to entered into by a man and a woman. It’s a promise to submit to one another, even when your flesh interferes with your heart. Marriage is not two broken people joining together to make a whole. It’s two imperfect people becoming One, a desire He puts in our spirits. And if the union is approved by Him, your wife will be your soul mate – for she was chosen for you before the creation of the world. And then the blessings of love, and peace, and power that comes with being united to your soul mate, well nothing can compare to it. Two whole people have come together as one, each realizing their spouse is their equal. Both chosen by God to help the other walk in the purpose that God has for your life. Where as divorce is just the fruit of a man-made marriage that God did not put together. Whoever God has joined together, they are part of His purpose, for He knows that the two will fulfill His purpose. And He always has a greater purpose. A God ordained marriage is not just a partnership or solely for companionship – the purpose is far greater. It is a supernatural unity, a spiritual bond. The force that binds you together is deeper than any basic human instinct. It’s an intimate bond between you and your creator and your spouse. And you are forever, eternally joined as one flesh.
God wants to build a home. God wants to build a home for both of you and bind you together. So what must you do when you are angry and because you have been hurt. You must learn that the more you love Jesus the more you will love your mate. And then your focus is not on what they did, but on the fact that God loves you unconditionally, just as you are to love your spouse. God expects you to keep the vows you make. He can’t entrust you with other things if you don’t have the integrity to keep your vows. But when two people are faithful, true love is found in the one completes you and makes you feel as if you belong, and all is right with the world.
We know forgiveness is a cornerstone of the Christian faith. In the model prayer the Lord gave us, He tells us that we need to forgive others just as we need God to forgive us. On the cross, Jesus asked the Father to forgive the people who were crucifying Him, even as they mocked him and watched him die. Which we need to remember when we have been deeply hurt, and the idea of forgiving someone may feel like we’re being required to tear our heart, and give it the very person who just trod on it. Then, we either offer a perfunctory, “I forgive you,” while yet holding the bitterness in our hearts, or we harden ourselves – physically and emotionally walking away.
When we’ve been deeply wronged, something inside yearns for justice. If we don’t forgive, our desire for justice becomes revenge, subjecting us to the bondage of bitterness and self-righteousness. When we don’t truly choose to forgive, the justice we seek is for the other person to feel our pain. True forgiveness takes place when we release our pain, willing to let it go – and acknowledging that our spouse, who like us is a flawed human creature, is most likely doing the very best he or she can with the limited resources at that time in their emotional, mental, and spiritual arsenal. When we anchor our hearts along the sway of God’s love, the pardon of our spouse enables us to free our pain – placing it into God’s healing hands. As grace then shatters the threat of growing bitterness, it plants the seeds of a more familiar relationship – one founded on and rooted in His love. Husband and wife experience the fresh rush of freedom and the ability to fully enjoy the God given blessing of each other once again.